Chaotic Clockwork

The world is chaos. There is no rhyme or reason for it to exist. But there is a pattern that has been formed. Is it only in our minds, or is there something more?

The first atoms knocked into one another, and they have rules they abide by. Do we know the rules though? We assume our theories and hypothesises show us how the universe works, but we’ve been proven wrong time and time again. We will ever know, or can we at all?

We are apart of the mechanics of this universe. It’s like asking a watch how it works. It simply does. Well perhaps not simply, as it was a difficult process to invent, and then make, but it has no knowledge of itself.

We assume we are self-aware, and able to decipher things, but are we? Now and again I have a feeling we aren’t even conscious. We are merely clockwork people, like all living things, set down and let run. Puttering forth to make more of ourselves. Programmed to consume and spread. We think we make choices, but aren’t they based upon what has gone before, and what we are made of?

You can choose to do a thing you don’t want to, but that is part of your programming/experience as well. We fight to survive as a whole. We are a colony of ants working together to shape the world to our needs. The individual may not even be important.

Even the brightest of us, who invent new ideas and things, may just be cogs. They exist because it is necessary, and they make what is needed. Fatalistically we move into the future, with the pattern of the past to build upon.

We do make choices, and they matter, but perhaps we have no choice in the matter. Being yourself, you’d make no other decision than the one you do. At a different time in your life, you might. But the one who made the decision, you of the past, would never do anything different, it can’t.

People will argue, and I might agree, that at the quantum level it’s all probability. Then the universe wouldn’t be a series of gears moving forward, it would be random chance. There lies the chaos, but at the larger levels it seems more mechanical.

Perhaps we literally are just programs in a machine, and this theory hasn’t been disprove… then again, you can only prove, you can never disprove. But there are signs we are within a computer. We may all be simulations, living in a simulated universe. If so, I’d want to hack it, but that’s neither here nor there.

We may be in an eternal loop as well… when we die, the universe is reset, and our life is replayed, exactly as it was, eternally. What would be the point you would ask, and I would to. Who knows…. I certainly don’t, but it makes me even more curious about the reality in which we reside.

That all being said, I would suggest to live the life you want. Limit the pain in it, and do those things you would be proud of on your death-bed. We have this one shot, though it may replay. Make it a good one, at the end of the day.

 

 

What I’ve published

poems_front2Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider Series

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – The editor arrived yesterday, and we are nearly to the end of the last Outsider book. Today I edited and wrote in my newest novel. Things are going well on that front.

“A mind is a simulation that simulates itself.”
― Erol Ozan

Steven Oaks

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The Creators Dilemma

Fabricating reality

it’s what I do

but I strive to not lie

and yet I do

Fictional versions

of thoughts from my mind

tend to flow forth

and echo through time

Enough of this madness I claim

and yet it’s enjoyable

and perhaps one day

life will be less horrible

Financial woes

come to those in this game

and yet you’ll never win if you never play

you’ll only stay the same

So find your passion

and struggle mightily

one day you may find

you have done rightly

 

 

 

What I’ve published

poems_front2Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider Series

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – Newest novel reviewed, at least several pages. The editor came yesterday, and we did some work on the last Outsider book.

“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”
― Terry Pratchett

Steven Oaks

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Shall you change, or remain true to yourself?

The pulse of Earth

Beating in time

Pushes us forth

forcing us to climb

Destruction of self

is sometimes the only way

that we have at hand

to make it through the day

But we get to choose

who we will become

evil or good selves

lest we succumb

But while we can change

we may have no desire

and then we are trapped

bogged down in our own mire

Malleable is the mind

but the heart is not

emotions run deep

but ignored they rot

Little can be done

for a black heart

it’s already destroyed

with little to impart

So close yourself away

at your own peril

the silence eats at the soul

and drains thy marrow

 

 

What I’ve published

poems_front2Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider Series

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – Newest novel reviewed, at least several pages. Small changed needed, but still looking good. I hope to have an editor over later today.

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.

Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”
― Stephen Fry

Steven Oaks

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Gender

What makes us a specific gender? Is it the number of X’s and Y’s in our chromosomes, or is that merely sex? Is it then how others identify us? If we look male or female, are when then that gender? Or is it perhaps how we self identify? If you look into yourself and find that you are female though you possess a male body, are you then the gender you wish to be? This is a topic that I have noticed popping up more and more often. And honestly it is a very hard one to discuss for both those with gender identities that do not match their born sex, and those that only think of gender as one that you are born with. On the one hand it makes discussing things in English difficult. If you look male, but you feel female, and wish others to treat you that way, no one would know that until you told them. You would be sir, Mr., he, him, or any other male pronoun. This is not discrimination, this is merely how we communicate. However I can see that would upset a person. No ill intent is usually meant when a person uses these pronouns, however if we were to simply use gender neutral pronouns, to English-speaking ears that sounds rude. ‘IT’ as a pronoun used to describe a person has generally been considered offensive, and is usually left only for inanimate objects. To do so to a person would mean, in the common way it is used, that you are not a person, nor deserving of the respect we even give to animals. You may wish to identify differently than the way you look, but by simply not knowing you, and only seeing the physical you no one would know you were anything but the male you present. In no way do I think anyone should be treated poorly for thinking of themselves a different gender, or sexual orientation. That is personal, and should not be questioned. You are a person, and you deserve the respect of being human. There are ways you can lose that respect, and should. But not just for that. You would have to commit some breaking of another’s autonomy for me to think less of you. Simply doing anything involving yourself breaks no one’s autonomy, so identify yourself as you wish. Love those you wish, and be happy. My opinion of gender is that is no one’s business but yours, and those you wish to be in relationships with. Let me remind you, lies break autonomy, so never lie about your sex, and be honest about your own views of your gender with them. We live in a world where that might cause difficulty, but do not let that break you. There are many out there who will accept you. You are not alone, and you are capable of being loved if you are capable of loving. Also gender neutral, or mixes of the genders are types of genders as well, in case you feel I was leaving you out.

Update – 1,000 words written. There is solace in self knowledge. Look inward and find out who you are. I have and have no fear of differences in others. I am myself, and they are themselves. What they like affects me not.

“I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. I was something else altogether. There were so many different ways to be beautiful.” ― Michael Cunningham

– Steven Oaks

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What is self?

Who are you, and who am I? Are we just a collection of memories, or are we more? If all we are is our memories then we would be very much like a large hard-drive storing experiences. However we are not that, we are able to review past actions and act accordingly. Then are we our actions? Our actions show what we mean to do, but they are themselves based upon behaviors and desires instilled in us earlier in life. Are we our thoughts? We think about many things as the days go by, but every thought is based upon observation again. Are we the observer? How we observe is again based upon our past experiences. So is there a self, or just a collection of things other people have done? Then are we a communal personality? We act as individuals, and yet nothing we do is ever in a void. No new idea or thought ever happened without that person experiencing something previously. Even if you were left alone your entire life, you would still observe nature, and act upon that knowledge you gain through that observation. Are we then a world continuousness that acts out its desires through individual life forms? The Earth floats in the vastness of space circling the Sun. Planets are our neighbors. We are just one system of planets found within a galaxy that floats among others. Is all space and time then the true person? Are we just cogs in a universal experiment of existence, or is there something inherent in ourselves that make us separate? I think the greatest idea that man ever came to is that of our own singularity. We think of ourselves as separate from everything else, even from each other. While I think it is a great idea, is it a good one? I lets us do things to others that we would not do to ourselves. We can hurt others, we can even make them possessions. And yet we only survive in the communities that we have built over time. To hurt the community is to hurt yourself. Therefore to harm another is to hurt yourself as well. While resources are limited in some areas, we strike out and make war against those with what we want or need. We hurt these others, who are but reflections of ourselves. We may not all come to the same conclusion about many things, but we are all people. Even nature is our kindred as it is alive as well. I am not suggesting we not eat or kill anything, that is the natural world we have evolved in. I am saying though that to use violence without the purpose of survival is wrong. If you were to starve maybe violence might be called for. However as humans we have this special thing we call language. We should use it to inform and request what we can not produce ourselves. We also invented a thing called money, where we can exchange resources indirectly. A brilliant strategy for survival if you have anything to produce. If you have nothing though, what are you to do? Survive on charity? There is nothing wrong with charity as there are times when we all fall short in our ability to survive on our own. But if you do nothing to help your fellow-man would you deserve such treatment? To live as a person you must do something. If it is for your family, your community, or for all of mankind, you must do something to push us forward. Even working at a gas station, or in fast food you are helping others. You gain value in this life only by helping others. To help only yourself does not do anything to push us forward. To live only to make money takes away from those who wish to help. Certainly working at anything is helping. However doing something that steals from another makes you less than human. Make your life, and yourself count. Help others in those ways that you know how.

Update – 10 pages reviewed and edited. People are great, learn from our past by talking to someone.

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. – Aristotle

– Steven Oaks