Anime, and Our Loss

Hello again. Here I am, writing another blog post. What a weird thing to do, though I suppose it’s something like a journal. Every week I write down what I’m thinking about, and I suppose I could always look back upon it. I rarely do, so maybe it’s just another thing that helps me write.

Anyway, what have I been up to? Hrm, I’ve read another eight books since last Monday. I think when I read ten books it was because a couple of those were of the shorter variety, still eight is a decent number.

I formatted the book, for the most part. The only thing that remains on that front is to link chapters to the index. A frustrating task sometimes, especially with the number of chapters we have in this book, at least in the way I did it last time. I think I found an easier/quicker way to do it this time, as last time I built a table to do it automatically, but it was a bit janky. This time it should be a little better looking, if not as functional.

As for the other book I’m working on, it’s moving along at a good pace. I’ve had no delays with it, which is nice. It grows, and thankfully I find inspiration each time I sit down to write. I’m sure it helps that I’m consuming books daily. It has been said, “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time to write.” Well, all my free time is for reading now, for the most part.

I haven’t really watched anything, or at least my consumption of such things, like anime, is way down. At least on my own. The co-author and I, when we aren’t working on things, have taken it upon ourselves to watch a number of anime. Dr. Stone has taken one of the highest spots for us, but that may just be because we are both fascinated by the idea of where one would start if you were dropped off into a new world, and yet had the skills and knowledge from our modern society. After watching the first few episodes we talked for several hours about what was done in the show, and what their next steps should be. It’s tons of fun.

Fire Force is gorgeous, so there’s that. We’ve also been watching the remake of Fruits Basket, and boy have they done a great job of it. I think there’s only been one episode where we weren’t entirely enthralled, but all I can say is that so far is Arisa Uotani is best girl, at least for me. Former delinquent, and all around tough girl. She loves Tohru, and is her best-friend. Her back-story is filled with emotion, and it was quite fun to find out more about her. I am looking forward to finding out more about her other friend Saki Hanajima, the goth girl with psychic powers. These two are my favorite from the show. I liked them immediately when they showed up in the first episode. Also it doesn’t hurt that the show has great character design and animation.

And now to this part. I’m not sure if I have much to add to the conversation, but there was a tragedy that happened to an animation studio. Kyoani, or Kyoto Animation. I won’t go into it, you can look it up if you don’t know already, but it was shockingly terrible. The reason I mention it, besides myself being an anime fan, is because some of my favorite shows have come from this studio. Violet Evergarden, a show that made me cry nearly every episode, was one. And just last night I watched A Silent Voice, a movie they made, and it was excellent. We lost many people who worked on many amazing animations, and it’s devastating to know they won’t be able to bring their visions to us anymore. A part of anime is gone with this loss, and that will affect us anime fans for a long time, not even mentioning all the family they leave behind. There’s nothing we can do, and that’s the hardest part. They’re gone, but I will strive not to forget, and I will continue to enjoy what they’ve made. Thank you Kyoani.

With that sad note, I think I shall take my leave. I continue to wish you all well, and hope your week is filled with happiness.

TTFN

What I’ve published

Walk On

Walk On Cover

click here for a link to the book

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safe

Click here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: The book is 100% edited, and 99% formatted. The book cover is coming along. And I’m 41% into the new novel’s first draft.

Steven Oaks

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My Son

Greetings to you. I’m here, as you might surmise by the text you are reading. Now for me to try and write something you’d want to read, or at least list the things that are running through my head.

Today marks an anniversary. A birthday if you will. Ten years ago my son was born. The happiest day of my life, even with many wonderful things having happened before and after. The wonder I felt when I first saw him, and the crushing emotions that filled me when I first held him. I’d never felt anything like that before or since.

That happiness and fulfillment lasted the entire time he was with me. But as this is a tragedy, he was soon lost to me. The details of this I relive everyday, sometimes with such vividness that I find it hard to think of anything else, other times with detachment, touching that memory like a bruise, seeing how hard I can push it before it becomes too painful. But even with how hard it was to live life after, I’m still glad he was in my life, even as short a time as I had with him.

I credit him for my books. I’d always wanted to write, but I’d never taken the time to do so, other than the odd short story or idea that I’d work on in my head, or rarely in random notebooks. I write because it’s something I can create, and because he never will make anything. I write so that even if he never got the chance to do anything, at least he made a change in the world, even if it’s only me that he changed.

This is why I had listed today’s date as a possible day for the publication of my latest book. Even if I knew that wasn’t likely, there’s so much more to writing than just writing and editing, but we grow ever closer to releasing it. The cover is coming along, and the formatting should be finished soon. But in the end, all my books are because my son was in my life. I’m thankful that I had the chance to know him, and that makes the pain easier for me to deal with.

We all deal with loss differently. But we all have loss in our life. Thankfully most of you won’t have to feel the loss of a child, and for that I’m truly glad. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, even if I had one. But we all lose someone we love. The only thing I can think to offer as a means to get through it would be that no matter what, even if you forget them somehow, they were there. Nothing can take away the past. If you focus on the negative this is a terrible thing to remember, but if you embrace all the good that came from it you can still smile. Smile for all the happy times you had, and make the world better because of it, even if it’s only better in the small corner of the world you call home.

With that, I shall leave you. I’m sorry it wasn’t a cheerful story to tell, though I hope it can help a little for anyone going through loss. I’m not the best at talking about emotions, but I wished to share in hopes that my story might help others.

May your week be filled with happiness, and if it’s not, then remember the good times, and try to make the world one in which you wish yourself and others to live.

TTFN

What I’ve published

Walk On

Walk On Cover

click here for a link to the book

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safe

Click here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: The book is 100% edited. And I’m 39% into the new novel’s first draft.

Steven Oaks

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To You

When you don’t speak, I worry.

When I can’t see you, I worry.

I’ve always thought we were okay

but it seems you’ve gone away.

I tried to share all that is me

but you didn’t like what you’ve seen

My words easily misinterpreted

my silences more so

I’ve only wanted affection and to help

but my sense of humor and my quirks

have always driven friends away

I will miss you

I hope you at least will remember me fondly

as time makes our distant divide grow ever greater

What I’ve published

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safeClick here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: 1,000 words of a new book written. Several pages edited for the yet unnamed novel.

“True regret is knowing you missed your only opportunity to be simply a good friend to someone that was exactly like you.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Steven Oaks

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Nostalgia Morning.

I woke up from a dream about my house being torn down. In the dream I was so grieved by its loss that I was in tears. In reality it was torn down, and sold, but I don’t feel bad about it.

The house was merely where I lived for 7 or so years. Yes I have some fond memories of the place, but as with most things it will never truly be gone as long as I remember it. I liked living there for the most part, though it could be quite a distance from places I’d like to go. Now being more centrally located I can go out and do more, but I usually don’t take advantage of such things.

Following the dream, I wound up in the living room listening to nostalgic anime openings and closings. If you’ve not experiences such emotions before the best explanation I can give for it is that it is a mixture of happy and sad. Happy that these memories can be stimulated simply by a song, but sad they are in the past. You can never re-experience the first time of anything. And I think that’s what I am mourning when tears fill my eyes.

While I’ve gone back and watched some of these shows again, sometimes multiple times, it’s not the same as when I had no idea what was going to happen next. The only ones that really get to me each time are Katanagatari’s ending, and Angel Beats. Katanagatari starts off slow, and has moments of rapid dialogue that at times outshines even the beautiful, if not old style, animation. But that ending. Man, it gets me every time. However Angel Beats, that destroys me each time. The tears that are ripped out of me at that ending can effect me for days, hence why I don’t watch it often. But if you are in the mood for being obliterated by a story, take a watch. It’s silly, it’s sad, it’s amazing.

What I’ve published

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safeClick here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: Still editing. I’m doing it in larger chunks now, and I’m in the middle of it as I write this. So my update is that things are moving forward.

Some days it’s tough to get motivated, but when I hear the music play I’m ready for the day.

Steven Oaks

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I’m Still Here

When I am not next to you, you can be sure I’ll still be with you.

When I am gone, I surely won’t be if you remember me.

When you leave the room, I still think of you.

All I know of you is with me, so you are too.

Family and friends who never forget, and who I never will either, live on.

If I’ve touched your life, I’m there too.

Just recall who I am, and I’ll always be with you.

What I’ve published

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safeClick here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: Still editing. I’m doing it in larger chunks now, and I’m in the middle of it as I write this. So my update is that things are moving forward.

Some days it’s tough to get motivated, but when I hear the music play I’m ready for the day.

Steven Oaks

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The past carved in flesh

The days and months pass

years don’t even last

nothing is as it was

ever-changing, ever morphing

and we all grow

The mind never sits still

no matter how much we will

but the past still clings to us

like a stain that can’t be scrubbed cleaned

it makes us turn right instead of left

and mourn those who have left

and yet without a past who are we

just a body?

We etch the stories of our lives upon our bodies

they show the wear and care we take

and the carved miseries upon our flesh

yet the joy is there too

the smile lines as well as the frown

crease the skin

and publish the life we live in the end

a baby is an unwritten page

and the old are covered in tales of their life

There is more to one who has lived

than there is for one young

The speed of thought and body may not be there

but the history they carry is their worth

listen to those who still walk this earth.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: 1,060 words written for the new book.

“Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age.”
― Aristotle

Steven Oaks

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No one is ever gone

There is no tomorrow

only today

so set aside your petty griefs

and learn to walk away

many are lost

along the way

to pain and misery

and have forgotten the way

no one is gone

as long as one remembers

and with them in your thoughts

they will walk the path with you each day

Mourn the loss of new memories with them

but not that they have moved on

nothing is lost

nothing is gone

to hearts that carry

their memory ever on

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: 1,001 words written for the new book.

“But I’d long ago learned not to be picky in farewells. They weren’t guaranteed or promised.
You were lucky, more than blessed, if you got a good-bye at all.”
― Sarah Dessen

Steven Oaks

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