My Son

Greetings to you. I’m here, as you might surmise by the text you are reading. Now for me to try and write something you’d want to read, or at least list the things that are running through my head.

Today marks an anniversary. A birthday if you will. Ten years ago my son was born. The happiest day of my life, even with many wonderful things having happened before and after. The wonder I felt when I first saw him, and the crushing emotions that filled me when I first held him. I’d never felt anything like that before or since.

That happiness and fulfillment lasted the entire time he was with me. But as this is a tragedy, he was soon lost to me. The details of this I relive everyday, sometimes with such vividness that I find it hard to think of anything else, other times with detachment, touching that memory like a bruise, seeing how hard I can push it before it becomes too painful. But even with how hard it was to live life after, I’m still glad he was in my life, even as short a time as I had with him.

I credit him for my books. I’d always wanted to write, but I’d never taken the time to do so, other than the odd short story or idea that I’d work on in my head, or rarely in random notebooks. I write because it’s something I can create, and because he never will make anything. I write so that even if he never got the chance to do anything, at least he made a change in the world, even if it’s only me that he changed.

This is why I had listed today’s date as a possible day for the publication of my latest book. Even if I knew that wasn’t likely, there’s so much more to writing than just writing and editing, but we grow ever closer to releasing it. The cover is coming along, and the formatting should be finished soon. But in the end, all my books are because my son was in my life. I’m thankful that I had the chance to know him, and that makes the pain easier for me to deal with.

We all deal with loss differently. But we all have loss in our life. Thankfully most of you won’t have to feel the loss of a child, and for that I’m truly glad. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, even if I had one. But we all lose someone we love. The only thing I can think to offer as a means to get through it would be that no matter what, even if you forget them somehow, they were there. Nothing can take away the past. If you focus on the negative this is a terrible thing to remember, but if you embrace all the good that came from it you can still smile. Smile for all the happy times you had, and make the world better because of it, even if it’s only better in the small corner of the world you call home.

With that, I shall leave you. I’m sorry it wasn’t a cheerful story to tell, though I hope it can help a little for anyone going through loss. I’m not the best at talking about emotions, but I wished to share in hopes that my story might help others.

May your week be filled with happiness, and if it’s not, then remember the good times, and try to make the world one in which you wish yourself and others to live.

TTFN

What I’ve published

Walk On

Walk On Cover

click here for a link to the book

Outsider Trilogy

Outsiders-Book-Cover-RGB-web-safe

Click here for a link to the book

Poetry

poems_front2

Link to my author page on Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update: The book is 100% edited. And I’m 39% into the new novel’s first draft.

Steven Oaks

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In Memory you live on

He was born 5 years ago

shortly lived

but not without something to show

Each day that passes

I try to make due

In the end

I am living for you

Because you can’t be here

I live what you cannot

I miss you deeply

but I feel you are always near

I have lost so much

when you went away

though I remember everything

It is not the same

Had you lived

You would have started school soon

and I would be a proud father

to see you grow and learn

As that cannot be

I throw myself into life

and I write as has been my dream

I use your example that life is short

Leaving behind those things

that mean little to living

so I can live for two

both me and you

Thank you my son

for the time you gave me

I will always miss you

my forever young baby

 

Update – 1,000 words written on the third novel. Now up to 40,000 words, I find it interesting the things I am thinking of while I write.

 “On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend’s life also, in our own, to the world.”
― Henry David Thoreau

– Steven Oaks

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My son

I was a father

My son was my joy

I lived and worked for him

my little boy

Then life had its way

and suddenly he was cold

I struggled to resuscitate

but death had taken hold

My screams of anguish

brought aid to our side

but again too late

he would not revive

Torn apart

my heart lying asunder

nothing would help

the pain I was under

I still carry this burden

though I grow used to its weight

I grow stronger

though the load is great

His memory drives me forward

ever to greater heights

I live the life he cannot

with all the possibilities of what might

Build memories to savor

Hold close those you hold dear

for a day will come

when they will no longer be here

for loss is our fate

there are always ends

be we continue on

in the memory of family and friends

– I miss my son.