How to Mock In D&D

Howdy y’all. Been another week if’n ya noticed, and wouldn’t you know, here I am again.

So what have I been up to? Well, I did some writing obviously. I just invented a knew character for the book I’m writing. He just kinda showed up and is throwing monkey wrenches around in spades. So that’s fun. So that part of my life is going well enough.

Also, I finished the last part of Bojack Horseman. Oh man, this show was great. I’m sad to see it go, but I feel a bit happy that it ended before it lost what made it good. It starts off silly, the series, but by the time you really get into it you start noticing how sad everything is. Even while you laugh, you will be crying. At least I did. I can’t recommend it enough. Poor Sarah Lynn.

Anyway, I also had the chance to play a bit more D&D this weekend. So here’s what happened. Or a close approximation based on my memory. I’ll note another player reads my posts and says I get things all wrong, but hey, it’s what I recall.

So last time we’d just taken out the guards to a fortification. Peaking in we only saw three orcs inside, so we partially blocked the door so only one could get at us at a time. One of us attacked, and failed to do much, leaving our three enemies to charge at us. And wouldn’t you know it, I got hit by all three and lost several HP to their attacks. Dang it, why did that Firbolg push me to the front of the fight? I’m the squishyiest.

Anyway, after we all took our turns to attack we finished them quickly. Blocking the door we rested and healed up. I think I was the only one to take damage. I guess I was the meat shield again for that encounter.

After that we heard a voice shouting at us. It said we had passed his test and that he’d like to talk to us. Well, we discussed it for a minute, and let him approach with his two guards. He said he’d like us to come in and talk. Well, my little gnome bard felt it was a little fishy, that and our Monk wasn’t going to go for it since she distrust orcs since they killed her family, so when they got close enough I attacked with my Vicious Mockery. I landed a hit on a couple. Of course the DM asked what I said to mock them so. Thinking quickly, I said that their women look like men. That offended two of them, but their leader didn’t take offense, and said I couldn’t handle their women. Well, since it was a surprise attack I was able to take another move, which I did by mocking him. It landed this time. The DM asked what I mocked him with. Um… well, I said something about him having tiny equipment. That seemed to do the trick. Unfortunately this meant that all three were coming for me, so I hid behind the door, and behind the monk.

We all took turns damaging them, and eventually they all went down. But we saw a trap door in the back of the fortification, and as is our want, the Firbolg took a big rock and placed it over the top of the door.

We left quickly, and headed back to town. It was going to take some time. On our way we saw a dragon fly over head, and we all hid as best we could. It looked like it was heading toward the town. I started singing a song about how we should just leave and head away from the threat. And that was the end of the session.

I think it’s safe to say we all had fun. I got a bit of RPing in while fighting, so I was happy. And the rest got to enjoy fighting. So that was it.

Anyway, I think it’s time for me to go. I hope you all have an enjoyable week.


You Must Be Drunk link to the Amazon store here

What I’ve published

Walk On

Walk On Cover

click here for a link to the book

Outsider Trilogy


Click here for a link to the book



Link to my author page on Amazon –

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you.

Update: You Must Be Drunk is published. Find it here. I’m 67% into the new novel’s first draft.

Steven Oaks

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