I’m getting hot, and I don’t like it

It’s getting hotter. It seems it might be time to start running the a/c again. I’ve kept the house cool so far by having the windows open at night, and then closing them in the morning before it gets too warm. Sadly, that doesn’t seem to work any more.

I tossed and turned all night, uncovered, and wearing only shorts, and yet the heat got to me. I hate running the a/c for multiple reasons. The first being that it costs money to do so, and the second because I should be able to survive this type of weather.

I complain that I’m cold almost all the time, but now that the heat from summer has come, I’m always hot. Generally I can get away with running the fans on my ceiling to get through the hottest part of the day, but I’ve begun to sweat. I hate sweating when I’m not up and about exercising. Working out is something that I don’t hate, but it should be done when you’re warm.

Maybe I could get away with not cooling the house down with power if I just exercised all day, but I don’t think the cat would be happy with that. Me bounding about, and the temperature going up would probably make her attack me in my sleep. That’s to be expected from a psycho killer, as all cats are.

Cats are little monsters that keep us around only because we know how to open bags or cans to feed them. They’ll happily go outside and murder small animals on their own, even when fed, but they seem to like the treats we give them more. Heck, even when you let them out they’ll likely return, so it’s not like we are keeping them prisoners, unlike dogs. Dogs are loyal though, cats aren’t. They give affection only when they want something. Truly they are manipulative little bastards.

Anyway, I think you might be able to tell I’ve not slept well. The heat is starting to cause my irritability to shine through my usual calm demeanour. So let us hope a bit of the cool air will flow this way, so I might return to my normal self.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – Pancakes for breakfast. Letting my mind take a break so I might use the relaxation to create more plot points.

“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.”
― Terry Pratchett

Steven Oaks

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Want

Fighting, another day comes

Struggling with self

and the world we live in

No rest for those of us who want

and those of us don’t

are already dead inside

Never give up desire

it’s the only reason to live and try

without it we are hollow shells

that can’t even enjoy a smile

Seek the best

but the worst will come too

so secure yourself

so you might become new

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,031 words written in the new novel.

“The world is little, people are little, human life is little. There is only one big thing — desire.”
― Willa Cather

Steven Oaks

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Attitude Issue

I’ve a problem. When I have nothing good to say, I generally don’t say anything. I try to stay positive, and say nothing if I know it might harm another. I think I care about things a little differently than another. My emotions are mostly locked away, and even when someone is dying I don’t think I get too upset, unless they have something to give the rest of us,  like Robin Williams, or Terry Pratchett.

This attitude can be hurtful. So I generally keep it to myself. I can’t give any good words when it comes to death. I don’t feel sorrow when a person dies, not really. I feel more regret that no new memories will happen with them. They will never be gone for me though, as long as I remember them.

I have no wish for anyone to die, rather I just don’t seem to feel the intensity that others do around these circumstances. For this I apologize. I will be silent around discussions about such things, and that would be the reason. I simply don’t feel what you do. I do have sympathy, but apparently that isn’t empathy because my emotions are not parallel to others.

Just know that I wish everyone well.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,012 words written in the new novel.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain

Steven Oaks

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The loss of now

Time ticks forward

with each flourish of hand

Passing slowly at first

but faster with each grain of sand

Fearing the new

but dreading the old

the present is all that we know

Sometimes good

and more times bad

I try to remember

all the fun that I’ve had

And yet the moments come so fast

Nothing good will ever last

Now must I put pen to paper

to illuminate to my future

what I have done that meant so much

but my mind won’t remember

Days eat at my thoughts

and soon all is lost

Who am I again?

I am only that which I know

but knowing nothing

I must continue to grow

The me of the past is gone

The me of the future is not yet here

The me of the now knows nothing

That much is clear

The embrace of the night

enfolds me well

for the next day

I’ll be new, with a new story to tell

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,189 words written in the new novel.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
― Rumi

Steven Oaks

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The new book is growing

The latest novel is taking shape. I’ve discussed what it is about with a few people and they seem to think the idea is interesting. This makes me excited to complete it.

It’s quite a bit different from what I’d been doing with the Outsider series. First of all it’s in the third person. This leads to much more fiddly bits to work on for the background. Another is the tone. It’s more full of dread, and has a sense of drama and is more tense. While we never knew much about the Outsiders, there was always a sense that they could be beaten. In this new book, we know very little, and keep trying to find out what is going on. We don’t even know if the enemy we see is who we should be worried about, or if it’s those the main character is working with.

Once more it’s dealing with death, slightly, but the perspective is more closely related to those the story is about instead of being apart of the background. I’d outline the whole book to you here, but what would be the fun of knowing before you read? I might spoil surprises, and no one wants that, right?

With Outsider I was trying to write something different. There were motivations, and there were worries, but the tone was supposed to be more light-hearted. It gets a bit more tense at the end, but in the beginning it was just a call to action. Starship started Michael down the path of doubt and worry, but Warship. Oh Warship. I love that book. Even if you don’t really enjoy the first two, get to Warship. I promise it’s fun. It might even lead into more stories about that universe. I’m excited to write more about it, but I want to work on a few different worlds first.

It may take some time, but if there is a ground swelling of fans that want more from that universe I’ll put off some of what I’m doing now to make sure your happy. It’ll make me happy to come back, I miss the people I made in those books. Maybe some back stories would be called for, but I’ve exciting things to do in a future world in that universe.

I hope you enjoy reading my little books, and I look forward to hearing from each of you.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,009 words written in the new novel.

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”
― Philip Pullman

Steven Oaks

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Tribalism in the Modern World

Perhaps the best things in life are free because we evolved without money for so long. We may not have been loners, but we grew from tribes. In tribes we had to share for our mutual survival. Giving things without expecting returns, except for continued relationships, is one of the greatest feelings we have.

The idea of gift giving, especially in the winter, seems to have multiple purposes. We give gifts to grow closer to those we care about of course, but it could also help survival during a harsh season. Also, it gives us the opportunity to see if they were making it, or if they needed any help. We give what we have, to share our prosperity and to gain from others. This is the communal ideal.

These days we’ve grown out of tribes. Most of us living in large enough communities perhaps know our immediate neighbor, but you wouldn’t be expected to know everyone on your block. We unconsciously isolate ourselves from those around us.

So how do we live now? Living communally or in tribes does not make sense anymore, though emotionally we all still strive for it. We seek out others of similar mindsets to our own, and make friends into family, or focus all our attention on family. We find these people in real life, or on-line. They become our tribe, and our state or country means less than what our little group does.

We then can’t understand how anyone else could view the world differently than we do. We are less able to affect change in people because we find it harder to get our points across to those that view the world differently. We all want happiness, but what makes us happy is different, so we try to pass laws that we like, and don’t worry when others are oppressed because it affects us not. We get angry when people begin to hate us, when all we were trying to do was help. We think we are being persecuted so we oppress more. Conflicts grow to war, or revolution, and the cycle begins again.

I think some new form of government, or civilization will arise from all of this. Systems rise and fall all the time, and even if it is centuries hence, I do believe what we have today will go the way of so many of those in the past have.

The Internet allows us able to have these tribes again, and yet it isn’t the same thing. You can certainly count on them. They are friends like any other. But it can also lead to an insular view of the world, where everyone not like you is so wrong because everyone you know agrees with what you say.

In the end, a tribal viewpoint of the world was a wonderful thing, but only when we were less populous. Now there are simply too many of us to ban together. We aren’t even geographically close to those who might share our viewpoint more wholeheartedly. But it may be the starting point for something new and wonderful.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – Pancakes for breakfast, and a long weekend ahead. Worries filling me with dread.

“But in some great souls, who consider themselves as citizens of the world, and forcing the imaginary barriers that separate people from people…”
― Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Steven Oaks

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Puzzle People

I do not believe in fate. I do not believe that we are destined for a certain outcome. I think that we are, over time, made into people. From the first moment we are aware, until the day we die, we are molded and shaped over time to be who we are.

I will call us the puzzle people. We are born a simple shape, able to fit into most places, but over time we are given information, or life lessons, that lead us to be molded into more jagged shapes, less able to fit into most area’s of life. Every time we “learn” something new, it has shaped a new square, round, or angular protrusion from ourselves, and we will no longer easily fit alongside our fellow people who hold dissimilar beliefs of the world.

Let us take romantic relationships. Say you meet someone, and they are pleasant, and you wish to continue to be with them. You find many of the shame shapes you two hold fit together nicely. That doesn’t mean perfectly. I would say it is nigh impossible to fit so well together with someone as to have all the shapes they do, you would have had to have lived the same life that they did. But I digress. You might find over time the shapes that don’t mesh with this person cause friction, as you both try to fit together more closely. The biggest mistake we make as people, is to think to be happy we have to make all those we associate with exactly like us, and have them hold the same beliefs. The important thing to remember in a relationship is that we will never have that perfect fit, and if you have found an ounce of happiness with another, work hard not to force them to be you. Most of us would be most displeased with dating ourselves, as we have many needs that we cannot supply to ourselves, though we know what they are. I’m not saying being with just anyone, and accepting their “flaws” will make you happy. I’m saying that if you find someone with many similar traits and beliefs you share, do not force them away over time when you finally realize they are actually more different from you.

As for relating to your fellow person, they do not have to be anything like you to receive value from them. They are a puzzle person as you are. If their jagged shapes do not fit yours, you do not have to associate with them, but you can talk to them and try to understand why their shapes are different from yours.

I have found most of the beliefs we hold are there because we believe they are the right thing. No one holds a belief simply for evil sake, they will do what they think is right. Be it right for themselves, or what they think is right for others. However, if one belief is that we all must burn alive to attain enlightenment, and they wish us all to attain this, and in this belief that it is the right thing to help us to that enlightenment, they will try to burn us. We can see how this jagged puzzle protrusion would find it hard to fit with others. My own puzzle protrusion holds the right of the individual above that of a group belief. I would say even if all of mankind believed we must attain enlightenment through being burnt, and I held this belief too, and one person did not wish to be burned, I would say we shouldn’t force them. Obviously replace the burning with anything an individual has to be forced to do, and it equates to the same thing in my book.

We are all individual puzzle pieces, and we all have different ways of finding a way of fitting together. Sometimes it takes time to shift about until we find the right place to be, be that work, or relating to our fellow person. Eventually we are usually able to find a place for ourselves. The effort we expend on fitting in can also be shaping us, and that will make it easier to find another fitting piece. But like I said, I do not believe we are fated to fit a certain area, we are continually molded, and any given time may be more likely to fit with certain pieces better, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there, nor does it mean you will even find that place when you are looking. Taking the effort is what it is all about. May your shape fit with where you are, or where you are going.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,053 words written on the latest novel.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
― Donald Miller

Steven Oaks

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Breaking laws?

Hacktivists you say? Oh deary me, it’s almost as if when you break a law that isn’t directly hurting a person you are inherently evil. Perhaps those of you who agree with imprisoning people who put numbers… Oh, like the number 1 at the end of web-address, maybe you should stop speeding.

If you live in America… the supposed land of the free, you are inherently breaking some law all the time. Not using a cross walk? Criminal. A light out on your car that you didn’t notice, criminal. You can be stopped for suspicion, but what is suspicious behaviour?

You aren’t free. Sorry, you just happen to be a crooked guard and a prisoner that’s watching other prisoners go by. There are laws that are there to protect, but if you look closely, who are they protecting? Is it you, who just wants to walk down the street to get to the store? Or is it someone else?

Sorry, just watched a documentary that’s really got me irritated.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – Building a time machine… so far it’s only sending me further into the future… Any good mechanics out there?

“Never underestimate the determination of a kid who is time-rich and cash-poor.”
― Cory Doctorow,

Steven Oaks

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A Bad Past

Today I wrote more, of course. The subject of today’s writing was difficult, and yet the words flowed. I’m almost afraid to let certain people read it as it might cause emotions they might not want to experience. Possibly reliving a horrible event in their life. However I felt it was necessary to do so we might know more about this character.

I thought her past would be dark, but I didn’t realize how dark it was going to be until the words started flowing. I’ll have to look at it another day, it was too emotional for me to have a good perspective of it now.

Once more the character took control, and told their story as they saw it. Somehow something so dark came from my own mind. Now I understand her behaviour better, and I’m glad she shared with me, but it was rough. Her words almost shut me up, and I nearly stopped writing before I had my daily word count completed. Then I realized I would have to keep writing it tomorrow anyway, so I pushed through.

It’s still weird to have what you want changed by what you think the character wants to say. I like writing, but getting to know someone like this seems rather crazy. They are made up of people I’ve met, and then they react on their own. I’ll have to think about this more.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,022 words written in the newest novel.

“She couldn’t get any farther away inside from her skin. She couldn’t get away.”
― Cynthia Voigt

Steven Oaks

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Memories and Dreams

Dreams are a funny thing. They can seem so real that they might even change a memory.

Last night I dreamed about a friend. In this dream I seemed to recall a memory that I had met her before we supposedly had in high school. Now I can’t determine if that’s true, or if my initial recognition of her was just that she seemed similar. Or even that I had any feeling at seeing her the first time. Does that rewrite the past, or am I just unable to remember things clearly?

My thoughts about what it means to be yourself, is your memories. If you can’t recall things, are you that person any more? Say you suddenly had amnesia, and were never able to recall who you were, are you the person you were before you lost your memories? I would say you aren’t.

Each time we sleep we make new memories, though false they may be, but they seem also to reorganize previous thoughts and deeds. Which means we aren’t the person we were yesterday when we wake up. There is never a consistent person known as Steven then. I’m new each day, and I cease to be me the next morning. I have memories, but I can’t decided which ones are real, and which ones I simply made up that fit the narrative of my life.

I wonder if other people feel this way, or if it’s normal and most people don’t notice. Depending on the day and mood conversations will go differently, and it all depends on the memories we hold in our head. If you forget your anger, you might befriend an enemy from the past. If you forget your love, you might leave the person you held dear the day before.

Following this line of thought, we only life one day at most. Who you were yesterday is gone, though signs of their passing remain. And tomorrow a new you will come into being. So then we might want to make each day count. Be the best you that you can be while you last. Try to remember everything you can, because those are the echo’s of who we were, and they make us who we are and will become.

What I’ve published

Poetry

poems_front2

The Outsider Series

Deatship - Book 1 of the Outsider SeriesStarship - Book 2 of the Outsider SeriesPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00072]

Link to my author page on Amazon – hhttp://www.amazon.com/Steven-Oaks/e/B00MEGSEZ6

Link to the Deathship book in the CreateSpace store – https://www.createspace.com/5023771

Or you can help me out on Patreon. Again, thank you. https://www.patreon.com/StevenOaks

Update – 1,007 words written in the newest novel.

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
― Edgar Allan Poe

Steven Oaks

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