What makes us a specific gender? Is it the number of X’s and Y’s in our chromosomes, or is that merely sex? Is it then how others identify us? If we look male or female, are when then that gender? Or is it perhaps how we self identify? If you look into yourself and find that you are female though you possess a male body, are you then the gender you wish to be? This is a topic that I have noticed popping up more and more often. And honestly it is a very hard one to discuss for both those with gender identities that do not match their born sex, and those that only think of gender as one that you are born with. On the one hand it makes discussing things in English difficult. If you look male, but you feel female, and wish others to treat you that way, no one would know that until you told them. You would be sir, Mr., he, him, or any other male pronoun. This is not discrimination, this is merely how we communicate. However I can see that would upset a person. No ill intent is usually meant when a person uses these pronouns, however if we were to simply use gender neutral pronouns, to English-speaking ears that sounds rude. ‘IT’ as a pronoun used to describe a person has generally been considered offensive, and is usually left only for inanimate objects. To do so to a person would mean, in the common way it is used, that you are not a person, nor deserving of the respect we even give to animals. You may wish to identify differently than the way you look, but by simply not knowing you, and only seeing the physical you no one would know you were anything but the male you present. In no way do I think anyone should be treated poorly for thinking of themselves a different gender, or sexual orientation. That is personal, and should not be questioned. You are a person, and you deserve the respect of being human. There are ways you can lose that respect, and should. But not just for that. You would have to commit some breaking of another’s autonomy for me to think less of you. Simply doing anything involving yourself breaks no one’s autonomy, so identify yourself as you wish. Love those you wish, and be happy. My opinion of gender is that is no one’s business but yours, and those you wish to be in relationships with. Let me remind you, lies break autonomy, so never lie about your sex, and be honest about your own views of your gender with them. We live in a world where that might cause difficulty, but do not let that break you. There are many out there who will accept you. You are not alone, and you are capable of being loved if you are capable of loving. Also gender neutral, or mixes of the genders are types of genders as well, in case you feel I was leaving you out.

Update – 1,000 words written. There is solace in self knowledge. Look inward and find out who you are. I have and have no fear of differences in others. I am myself, and they are themselves. What they like affects me not.

“I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. I was something else altogether. There were so many different ways to be beautiful.” ― Michael Cunningham

– Steven Oaks

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